Adaptation

If I had to choose words that best describe parenting they would be:

(1) fulfilling (duh, if you don't at least act like it is, then people think you're a bad parent) J/K.
(2) exhausting
(3) oh my god embarrassing (like one of my kids telling someone at school that the reason Rowan has blond hair is because he peed in his own mouth as a baby).
(4)and the one I'm learning now as the parent of an older kid, adaptive. Parenting a fit-throwing three year old requires different skills than parenting a fit-throwing 10 year old.

Jack is almost 11. He is smart, funny, gross (as boys tend to be), moody and reminds me a lot of myself as a kid. I was the oldest, like Jack and I'm not sure how or why it is that both Jack and I thrived on making people unhappy.

I was never smiling in pictures. Did my best to get other people in trouble (my poor cousins, I taught them to cuss). And I basically sulked and stomped a lot.

And this is not a pity party for me, but when I hear stories about myself as a child it's always in reference to how mean I was or regarding something terrible I did. I don't know one thing I ever did that someone bothered enough to compliment me on.

And really, this is not about me but about how I can keep Jack from looking back at the age of 35 and thinking these same things about his own childhood. Most of this is probably all in my head but really, I don't remember hugs and good things about adults in my childhood. I remember people always being mad at me for either something I did or said.

I'm sure that's not the case but it's how I remember.

I don't want that to be how Jack remembers.

Andy and I are both struggling with how to handle an older kid. What I think is most important for us to remember is that we should treat him with the same respect that we expect for ourselves.

So obvious, yet so hard to practice.

He deserves a say not just a punishment. It's just so hard to not loose it when he stomps around and slams his door when I haven't done anything at all to warrant him being angry with me. He's mad at someone else.

As his mother, I promise to:
(1) not loose my temper at him for actions not directed at me. I will note to him that he has no reason to treat me badly for something I haven't caused.
(2) address when he has done something that goes against what I have asked him to do or not do.
(3) allow him to have his say in something that is upsetting him.
(4) really attempt to treat him with the same respect I expect for myself.
(5) criticize less, compliment more.
(5) hug him every day because I think more hugs for me would have made me remember a happier childhood.

Parenting is so many things.

It is all-consuming for sure and a learning process no doubt, but I think more than anything, parenting can teach us to be the people that we need to be. If we can't be kind to our children and humble in front of them, then what good are we?