Bird Crap

Why is it so hard for me to not say mean things about people?

Is it better to hold it inside, all the negativity?

Or better to put it out there? Ahh, mean spirit, go free.

I know why, honestly.

(1) If I wanted to truly get rid of negative thoughts, what I should do is to just realize I feel a certain way and then, just let it be. But for some reason, I fixate on things, refuse to let go and I must share. And not the good kinda share.

It's harder to forget about it than it is to just say something, mean and loud.

(2) I can come up with some pretty damn mean funny things on the fly to say about people.

(3) I want (need) people to agree with my point-of-view.

Why do I need others to agree with me?

To show that I'm right? Smart? Funny? Intuitive?

All of the above, most likely.

Can't I be funny without being hurtful? Of course. But that's not "who" I have been. Is it "who" I want to be?

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Our neighbors behind us, the ones who hate us and our dogs, had 2 gorgeous trees in their front yard. 80-100 year old trees, most likely. And I'm a self-avowed tree hugger.

Love me some trees. Do them no necessary harm and damn you if you do.

She had them both cut down, from what I am told, because they block her view. Really? They live in Florida most of the time.

The saddest part of the whole thing was when the magnolia was mostly gone, just a third of the bare trunk left, on top of a pile of magnolia logs where the tree used to stand, sat one confused looking bird.

And truthfully, I hope that bird craps on her van.

Multiple times, and causes rusty crap spots all over it.

I was at a meeting last night and couldn't help bringing up the tree situation in front of friends, and I said some very mean things about her. I shouldn't have. I knew it before I said a single word but I steam rolled ahead, expletives and all.

I still feel guilty because deep down, I don't think I want to be that person any more. But years and years of biting remarks rarely reigned in are hard to stop.